Don’t be so selfish!

Move from self- neglect to self-care 


It struck me that over a period of the last 12 months I’ve heard about, and witnessed an alarming rise in the level of self-neglect amongst professionals and non-professionals alike.

By self-neglect I don’t mean wilful self-sabotage I’m talking about the more insidious type where you feel you’re doing fine until one day you find you’ve given your best to everything and everyone; you feel drained, washed out and unable to look after yourself never mind anyone else.

As I wonder why I’m seeing so many more cases now than in the past, the following explanations come to mind;

  • I’m more aware of the issues and so notice more often
  • There simply are more cases to be observed.


Who is more prone to suffer from self-neglect?

I see it most in those who are Carers in some capacity and I see it in men as well as in women. Certainly those who put their needs last, consistently, will at some point get to a place where they have nothing more to give.

But most of us are ‘carers’ in some wider capacity; caring goes hand-in-hand with being human, living with others and even working with others.


What will others think?

We live in a society where, when we even consider putting our needs above those of others, we feel pangs of guilt. We often confuse self-care with selfishness. It’s time to change the way we think.

My message loud and clear!P1040071

If you genuinely care about others in your life, and want to give your best, listen up…

You are giving second best at the moment! Unless you have invested some time and energy in yourself and your needs you won’t be fully rested, recharged or able to give your best.

This is more about attitude than time. It’s okay to care for yourself, in fact I’d say it’s an obligation you have if you want to give your best to anything or anyone.


And what if I don’t?

If you are surrounded by people who care for you they will often be the ones who notice your self-neglect before you do. They’ll be the ones telling you to look after yourself, to take a break etc. You should listen.

The longer you leave it, the more time it will take to get back to your healthier self.P1040070

So if the signs of tiredness, fatigue or general dissatisfaction have already started creeping in for you, start making the change now – you’ll be thankful you took notice of you.


How about you?

Are you able to pull back from the urge to give so much of yourself, your energy that you feel you have little left for yourself? And if you are, please do consider telling us your tips in the comments box below, just 1 or 2 may make the difference to others who read this post.

To help yourself here, download my free eBook 7 Guaranteed Ways to Reduce Stress, Stop Feeling Overhelmed at Work, and Get Your Life Back it has:

  • 15 pages chock-full of tips for getting your life back
  • Step-by-step support as you identify how you want to change
  • An action plan so you can hold yourself accountable for increasing your wellbeing and resilience.

2 thoughts on “Don’t be so selfish!

  • I used to feel guilty taking time to recharge my own batteries. At work I was always head down, delivering for others without thinking of myself. Now, I like to read (instead of watching the TV), relax (instead of completing another chore on my To Do list) or potter around the garden, or sit for 10 minutes and let my mind wander. These ‘tasks’ are just as important as the ‘To Do’ list, and I would now argue even more important. Take time to recharge – otherwise you’ll run flat one day.

    • Robert, you’re a wise man! To have taken heed before the damage was done. I wasn’t so wise. I did, as you say, ‘run my battery flat’ because I didn’t learn the skills of self-care early enough in my life. Looking back years later it’s easy to see the simple things that I needed to address.

      And I’m learning that guilt is there as a show-stopper for men as much as it is for women.

      When you say that these skills are ‘even more important now’ I’m wondering what you mean by now ?
      Thank you for your thoughts on this and do reply if you get a moment.

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