When others seem to ‘have it all’

Are you secretly jealous of someone who seems to ‘have it all’?

Maybe a colleague who gets offered the best projects or a friend whose life seems effortless and charmed from where you stand. It doesn’t matter how experienced or consciously aware you believe you are. We human beings are, after all, only human.

Translation? We all slip into this envy state every now and again. It happens at every level of ‘success’ and every stage of our developing selves. So, in a sense, we should expect it and even be looking out for it.


Envy is like any other emotion, its data. Specific information about how you feel in response to a trigger. Let’s assume the trigger is a person who seems to have the idea life (when you feel you don’t). It’s the comparison between what you have and what others appear to have.


But the important point to note is the discomfort you feel. Don’t focus on the trigger, focus instead on what is missing for you. What would need to change in your life for you to feel more connected to what YOU really want?

Also be aware that you seldom see the whole of someone else’s’ life, we normally get to only see the hand-picked best moments, especially online.


So here are three things that I hope will help you next time you feel the pangs of envy:

  1. Breathe a sigh of relief and recognize you’re not alone. There’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about when you feel envious.
  2. Help you stay connected to the ‘truth’ about what you see and hear (especially online). The feeling itself is a reminder, a wakeup call to you of the discomfort you feel.
  3. Use this (normal) feeling as positive fuel for happiness and connection, but to what YOU want, not necessarily what others have.


Spend too much time in the ‘envy’ state?

Okay, so it’s human to feel the pangs of envy every now and again. But if you struggle to move on up or out of this feeling then you do need to work on this. Spending excessive amounts of time in any unhelpful emotion is, well, unhelpful.

If you want a clear way to move on from this and other unhelpful parts of life, consider coming to my next Resilience Skills workshop or, join my 5 week online programme, the next time it’s open. 


Find out how I’ve supported other professionals through my online 5-week programme.

They have been game changers for those who have taken the step.




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